Last day of May.. can't be over soon enough

It's been a rough month.

As evidenced by the hail  (hail?  in Florida?) above... which fell in as much as 1/2" diameters on my home the Sunday before Memorial day.   In general, the last two weeks of weather here have brought deluges of various durations... all around the 5-7pm timeslots.  In addition to the hail, I have left work soaked to the knees from the depth of the water as I'm walking (the drainspouts just can't handle sudden, heavy downpours and parking lots and roads flood).   I'm driving a rental car (more on that later) that is larger than my own.   Lucky thing as I found myself driving through an intersection near work on Thursday night, and as cars hydroplaned through the intersection I could look out my driver's window and see the water rise nearly 3-4 inches below my side window.    If you get caught indoors when it starts, it is best to stay trapped and not try to go outside.  Currently, the rental has elements of the trees (from my work parking lot) trapped in the wiper wells.   I'll need to clean them out today.   The rain comes so hard and fast that it denudes a lot of the growth from the trees.

It is an unusual May.  Generally in this part of Florida in May we have drought and brush fires, followed by flooding rains in June.   Not so this year.   When not raining, the greenery is lush and fine and we have seen literally dozens of rainbows.

Those rainbows are the good things about May in my life.   Otherwise.... nothing dreadful, nothing drastic, but just one of the most "down" months I have had in a long while. 

Started with the death of a love affair.   Ended with the death of a close friend.

At my age, you hesitate to say, "my relationship".   And I prefer love affair.   Started with a good friend about 5 years ago.  Worried that by entering into it, if something went wrong ... would our friendship not re-engage?   Would I lose a good friend by trying for more?  And so, that has happened.  And I must lean into my loneliness, no voice on the phone or the voice mail, no funny texts, no shoulder to lean on.  I must say that I don't expect to love this way again in my life. 
And while I want it back, the mind tells the heart that it probably will not find another situation that I term bashert... English has no word for the sense of rightness, the feeling that you have a sense of landing where you're supposed to land with someone.  But sometimes you are meant to leave a partnership, and so I guess I have.   But I wish I could have the friendship back.  

Followed the breakup about a week later ... on Mother's day, with having a large floater appear in my left eye.   Eye issues are scary for diabetics.   I breathed a little easier when my retinologist pronounced it a PVD... something that happens to most of us when we age.  Told me within 1-3 months it would most likely sink with gravity, to the part of my eye where it wouldn't be so pronounced in front of my retina.   And little by little I've gotten used to it.  When I crack my never ending stream of self-deprecating jokes at work, I blame my "floater" for my goof ups and forgetfulness.  We laugh....but we worry a little about aging and the changes it will bring.

Topped off the month by having a somewhat minor car accident in the middle of a work day.   My fault I got ticketed.   So I've had a rental Malibu for about a week and a half now.  My car is a lease, but there is only about $4000 damage, so they will repair.   Not a scratch on me or the other driver... just an endless stream of time wasters filing claims, going for a work comp analysis, peeing in a cup (yes, the ultimate indignity).   Flash.  I wasn't drugged or wasted at 9:30 in the morning.   Just careless.  Frankly, I was lucky. 

So when my good friend succumbed to breast cancer on Thursday night, it did stun me.   Too many little shocks in one month.   And, we all choose to believe it is completely curable now, since we have come so far with the treatments.     That it won't be caught too late to metastasize and cling to one's lymph system or spread to one's other organs.   But sometimes, it still does.  I came to expect that she would die.  But it doesn't make it any easier.  Nope.

June will be better. 

Head Trauma

Some day, when he's an old guy (if he makes it), I hope my son Tom doesn't bear any long-term symptoms of head trauma. If he doesn't, it won't be for lack of trying.

At 2, Tom jumped from the back of the colonial sofa and landed on the corner of the TV stand. With his eyebrow. The tri-corner wound was tough to staunch and we had our first scare with our boy. There is still a scar in his eyebrow. Time in inner-city ER: 15 hours. (Why? You know the answer; most of this was spent staunching the bleeding in the waiting room while they tended to some gunshot wounds of others ).

At 3, I watched Tom sprint down our hallway (which was L-shaped) at roadrunner speed, chasing his sister. I remember thinking... "He'll never make the turn".... he didn't. Splat. Into the wall. Hairline cut this time, solved, thank goodness, by butterfly bandages at a closer ER. Time in ER: 3.5 hours. Thank God. The whole time he was squirmy, wormy, trying to get out of dad's lap and run around. Sigh. You have to look hard to see the score.

At 8, Tom was scratched hard in a wrestling match with our Westie. We decided that if we stopped the bleeding on the back of his head where she buried a claw, he wouldn't have to go to the hospital. Bad decision. In his chocolate brown hair he has a minute white slash (1/2 inch) on the back of his head.

At 16, Tom swerved my just-finished-the-car-payment Grand Am GT, to avoid hitting an animal in the road. He was driving only to fill up my tank with gas, practicing his new driving chops. He ran off the road, and into a stone wall and tree. I remember getting there, and seeing the whole side of his head covered in blood. Awful. Damage: broken collar bone, side laceration to head, 8 stitches. Time in suburban ER (now in Tampa) 9 hours. Luckily, that scar is almost unnoticeable.

From 17-22, Tom suffered from pillar cysts 4 times. They seem to have quit lately, but they might be back. Unlike most people, who get them in their scalps, Tom gets his pillar cysts in his ear lobes. I've had them a few times in my life, where my lobe becomes inflamed, but mine usually recede after a couple of days. Pillar cysts are genetic. Tom's grow rapidly, are painful, are aggressive and usually ulcerate. He's had surgery twice, and a couple of times they've gone away with strong antibiotics.

You get the picture... Tom's head is a mess!

Last Wednesday, Tom's car was hit by a 16 year old. She was making a left, trying to get to a side street, since she was being stopped by a policeman. Unfortunately, he was passing by in the other direction as she turned. Seat belt, swerve, 45 mph on his part all averted something worse, but she T-boned his car, totalling it, and extolling both airbags, even though she hit the driver door.

We are lucky. Tom was backboarded, neck boarded and taken by EMT's to a brand new ER, open only 3 days. It was great. He was there from 4:30 until midnight, and when I got there, he was still on the board. Right now, jury's out on his body injuries. Cat and XRay show nothing wrong on neck, back and knee. One week later, he's got some pain and numbness in all 3 as he starts physical therapy. The EMT's thought he had facial lacerations from broken glass, but when his face was cleaned, it turned out that the copious pooling of blood there, and the blood all over his clothing, came from a single laceration.... you guessed it, on the top of his head!

I won't go into how they cleaned and closed it, but it was almost more than a mom could bear. There is little doubt there will be a scar, and that will probably lead to a larger settlement, without anyone really being able to see it, unless they are 6'4" or taller. It probably won't be seen by too many ladies.

Tom's got some wheels he can use, he's going to try going back to work tomorrow, he seems serious about the PT three times a week. I'm hopeful.

He's 23. What more can he do to that head in his next 60 years?