Remembering Pam

Posting is sad today...   but when I came to post, I discovered a December post draft that I had never finished, published... it made me smile.   So at least I got that posted prior to this entry....

And on to today....

I loved Pam Patterson.   I loved her writing on our departed meeting ground, Pearlsoup.  I visited the PS nearly every day online in 2003-2005. PS was a writer's website that saw a good deal of of my poetry when I had revived my voice and was writing nearly every day.... some of my editorial and joke posts, and way too much of my comments and personal opinions!   It may be that latter part of the comments and opinions that bonded a few of us together, so that when the website went dark, we were still able to email and to follow each other's blogs.

Pam and I got together for the first time with her sister Kelly and a writing friend of mine that I had met in a Yahoo group, the delightful Marion.  We were all living in the south and spent a girls weekend at a beautiful cottage on the river in Louisiana in 2008.  I flew to Dallas and Pam and I drove there, meeting Kelly, who had driven in from Arkansas and picked up Marion along the way.  The weekend was a delight.

 

 

Pam was a special poet...not afraid to pursue dark and lonely thoughts in some poems, along with witty repartee in others. 

Pam had a love for family, for her dogs...a penchant for decorating her beautiful home, and a compelling need to clean that house like a whirling dervish!  Having been a devoted caretaker for her two grandsons while her daughter worked, Pam  incredibly, late in life, found a career teaching/aiding special needs children in the Dallas school system.  I last saw her on a visit to Dallas in 2009.  I got to see Bear Bear, too, on that trip, my favorite of her pack of "furkids".  Bear Bear passed on in 2010, but Pam continued to run with her pack of "furkids".  I think her pup Spanky replaced Bear Bear in the pack. 

Last pic that Pam sent to me, shows her in her classroom, with a student... a real illustration of how devoted she was to the career that came along late in life:

As her life got busier, Pam's time to devote to blogging became less and less.  So, while I could continue to follow Ms. Marion's active blog and to live text and stay in touch weekly, with Kelly, I did not have as much interface as in the past.  We reduced to following each other on Twitter, although I got an amazing email from Pam just a few months ago. 

More's the pity that I did not take more time.   That I didn't let her know how much I cared.

~~~~~~~~~~

Pam passed away after a short bout with a terrible illness on February 24.  My heart breaks at having not called her in her final weeks.  But I know she knows I was thinking about her.  I always will.

"Imaginary Friends".... Indeed

Note: Thanks to Kelly for the group picture.

The husband of a friend of mine calls them "Imaginary Friends". (LOL!) They are the people you know online, the ones you may never meet in person. Or perhaps someday, you shall.
Friendships online will be the subject of many writings: fiction, non-fiction and poetry, for years to come. They are the creation of a new age, the new time of the internet when suddenly, you can find someone who has read the same books you have, lived through the same life tragedies, shares the same spirit!

Of course, there is a danger here. Isn't there always?

Your internet relationships -- forget the dangers/spice of internet romance, I'm talking friends here -- have a way of consuming your days and times, perhaps to the exclusion of your flesh and blood friends. The friends that you could see everyday, the ones that you should have phoned, but your phone line was tied up while you were (you guessed it) online to your book club or your poetry group or the parents of children with special needs. Your real friends and family will raise their eyebrows, become exasperated or puzzled when you speak of your imaginary friends.

You'll need to strike a balance.

Future folks will need to keep themselves open to relationships both of the "flesh and blood" and "the words on a screen" nature. The balance of both will allow you to miss a day online (just like you missed a phone call or two) with no regrets, because you were tied up in your "real" life. Not to mention that it will be tempting to "be" someone that you are not, when you are online. Losing sight of the truth of your life, just because the other party may never meet you and learn the truth, well it can be just as despicable, just as dangerous, as a lie told face to face. We all wish for times when we were someone we're not -- but its important not to try to live through those fantasies.

But, try not to approach it with too much reservation!

Because it is amazing, is it not? You've formed fast friendships with Aussies, with folks from West Virginia, with people decades older or younger than you. A citizen of the world and not just your small town or impersonal city -- your ability to learn about and from people has just increased exponentially! They'll know you, perhaps, only by your "handle" or "username". They'll remember your stories and the composition of your family, because they can always go back and check their archives. They won't laugh at you just because you've fallen into use of the term "y'all", and it sounds so funny with a Minnesota accent! And they'll appreciate you for the same, and the support and kindness in the company of strangers who aren't strangers any more.
So here's to the texture and reality of all our "imaginary friends":

Imaginary friends - soupers and others, you have enriched my days in ways I never could have comprehended when I first heard the word, "internet".

I forgot the best part. That's me and 3 of my imaginary friends in a face to face in April, 2008. Known each other for about 6 years, first meeting, and it was like we grew up together. Well, 2 of them are sisters, so I guess they did....but you get the point.