Last day of May.. can't be over soon enough

It's been a rough month.

As evidenced by the hail  (hail?  in Florida?) above... which fell in as much as 1/2" diameters on my home the Sunday before Memorial day.   In general, the last two weeks of weather here have brought deluges of various durations... all around the 5-7pm timeslots.  In addition to the hail, I have left work soaked to the knees from the depth of the water as I'm walking (the drainspouts just can't handle sudden, heavy downpours and parking lots and roads flood).   I'm driving a rental car (more on that later) that is larger than my own.   Lucky thing as I found myself driving through an intersection near work on Thursday night, and as cars hydroplaned through the intersection I could look out my driver's window and see the water rise nearly 3-4 inches below my side window.    If you get caught indoors when it starts, it is best to stay trapped and not try to go outside.  Currently, the rental has elements of the trees (from my work parking lot) trapped in the wiper wells.   I'll need to clean them out today.   The rain comes so hard and fast that it denudes a lot of the growth from the trees.

It is an unusual May.  Generally in this part of Florida in May we have drought and brush fires, followed by flooding rains in June.   Not so this year.   When not raining, the greenery is lush and fine and we have seen literally dozens of rainbows.

Those rainbows are the good things about May in my life.   Otherwise.... nothing dreadful, nothing drastic, but just one of the most "down" months I have had in a long while. 

Started with the death of a love affair.   Ended with the death of a close friend.

At my age, you hesitate to say, "my relationship".   And I prefer love affair.   Started with a good friend about 5 years ago.  Worried that by entering into it, if something went wrong ... would our friendship not re-engage?   Would I lose a good friend by trying for more?  And so, that has happened.  And I must lean into my loneliness, no voice on the phone or the voice mail, no funny texts, no shoulder to lean on.  I must say that I don't expect to love this way again in my life. 
And while I want it back, the mind tells the heart that it probably will not find another situation that I term bashert... English has no word for the sense of rightness, the feeling that you have a sense of landing where you're supposed to land with someone.  But sometimes you are meant to leave a partnership, and so I guess I have.   But I wish I could have the friendship back.  

Followed the breakup about a week later ... on Mother's day, with having a large floater appear in my left eye.   Eye issues are scary for diabetics.   I breathed a little easier when my retinologist pronounced it a PVD... something that happens to most of us when we age.  Told me within 1-3 months it would most likely sink with gravity, to the part of my eye where it wouldn't be so pronounced in front of my retina.   And little by little I've gotten used to it.  When I crack my never ending stream of self-deprecating jokes at work, I blame my "floater" for my goof ups and forgetfulness.  We laugh....but we worry a little about aging and the changes it will bring.

Topped off the month by having a somewhat minor car accident in the middle of a work day.   My fault I got ticketed.   So I've had a rental Malibu for about a week and a half now.  My car is a lease, but there is only about $4000 damage, so they will repair.   Not a scratch on me or the other driver... just an endless stream of time wasters filing claims, going for a work comp analysis, peeing in a cup (yes, the ultimate indignity).   Flash.  I wasn't drugged or wasted at 9:30 in the morning.   Just careless.  Frankly, I was lucky. 

So when my good friend succumbed to breast cancer on Thursday night, it did stun me.   Too many little shocks in one month.   And, we all choose to believe it is completely curable now, since we have come so far with the treatments.     That it won't be caught too late to metastasize and cling to one's lymph system or spread to one's other organs.   But sometimes, it still does.  I came to expect that she would die.  But it doesn't make it any easier.  Nope.

June will be better. 

"Toothity"

I've just finished the 8 days from hell.... had periodontic surgery, this time with a skin graft to help shore up this poor, pitiful mouth of mine. Surgery was supplemented with a little nitrous, although I've always been hard core and just used novocaine before. This periodontist (my former moved back to Israel) is very high tech, southern, and just about as nice as can be. I have confidence in him. He found some additional deterioration in the two teeth next to the two teeth he was "doing", so, for the same price, he doubled the size of the skin graft for my gum. He is painstaking. When I left, I'd been there nearly 3 hours and had 17 stitches.

It was really not that unpleasant, however, the 7 days following were hell. The swelling, bruising and pain did not peak until day 4. And, while I have now interrupted the constant 6 hour refills of high-dose ibuprophen, I've never injested more in my life...my normal diet is protein and salads or vegetables. Unfortunately, I've been on an endless bust of mashed potatoes, oatmeal, pudding and smooth soup. I have 3 more procedures to go, stretched out, thankfully, over the next year. I curse my genetics! Funny how this reminded me of a piece I did for Pearlsoup in 2003, listed below.... "I've Got New Teeth". (Subsequent to this piece, in 2004-2005, I had my first series of periodontic surgery). Because I have kept the vow of returning for a dental cleaning every 3 months I have really prevented even more deterioration. There are times, however, when I wish I could start over with a
new mouth!

I’VE GOT “NEW TEETH”! ~quidrock, 2003

 

I’ve got new teeth today! Well, they’re the same old teeth, but the dental community finally took me firmly by the hand and showed me the error of my ways. I saw a new dentist in January. My son and I had been in dental insurance limbo, and couldn’t find a dentist approved by my husband’s new plan that anyone would recommend! Most of the ones in the book were “dental clinics” where anonymous dentists roam from 3-6 cubicles and patients, performing simultaneous acts (of horror), Too busy for any bedside manner.

 

Well my son and I are both total wusses when it comes to the dentist. We sit paralyzed in the chair, and when it is time to go, you can watch us lift each of our hands, only to find little pools of perspiration on the arms of the chair. We cringe whenever the dentist approaches, and whine when he/she pronounces what work we have to have done. It is a form of modern-day torture for both of us. We definitely need bedside manner.

 

Finally, friend Joan recommended Dr. Claire Houston. Joan has teeth that require a lot of work, as well, and she is very exacting about dentists. Lo and behold, Dr. Houston was covered by our insurance. The doctor first looked over my son, pronounced that she found 11 cavities, and that his hygiene, while wearing his braces, was horrible! No tooth whitening for my “babe-conscious” young man until all the work was done. She opened my mouth, pushed back her plastic mask and said…”I suppose no one’s told you that you have GUM DISEASE???”… the death rattle began.

 

Well, I’ve been to the periodontist 4 times since then. I’ve learned a lot about what I have to do to keep the teeth I have. I also learned that its not just about how well I care for them (or if I don’t), but the fact that diabetes often leads, for whatever reason, to increased bacteria in the mouth, and the increase is what causes “perio-xxx” or “gum disease” or whatever foul condition it is where your gums start leaving and your teeth start loosening. So, I had my “pockets cleaned”…which means bacteria removal (not lint, or coins or the like) over the course of the last two months and I feel like my whole mouth is new!

 

I’ve taken a vow of what I call “toothity”

 

…to get them cleaned 4 times a year, (even though I hated it even once a year), to floss, to brush along the gumline, to use one of those sonic devices to brush, to stay away from popcorn (now that’s real penance!). Now this is not a happy ending, per se,…I still have one area that requires some cutting and surgery and some such. But at least, it’s not the whole mouth. I can’t tell you, insurance or no, how much all of this is going to cost, because it is quite the size of the national debt, but, in the meantime, at least I feel like: I’VE GOT “NEW TEETH”!

As I come back to my blog and see this entry, I realize I didn't credit it to the chain email I got, featuring a picture of Maxine with it. Beg pardon, and hope the woman above more clearly expresses the sentiments than Maxine did!!!!

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR...

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull. But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained marks that never used to be on them. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it --

I Qualify for "Cash for Clunkers". How about you?