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I'm a Minnesota Girl, living in the south. I tell my friends I try not to talk and think like a Yankee, but sometimes I slip up!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Blue Moon With Heartbreak

I broke out an old poem a couple of days ago.... "Mutually Exclusive". I'd written it about a workplace that had suddenly gone toxic on me. Where we all stopped feeling good about the team and suddenly everybody was throwing everybody under the bus.

It upset my equilibrium at the time. I'm not above mudslinging and gettin' angry and even and such, but as I get older, it just feels like a waste of time. Upsetting situations don't anger me any more; I try to gain some perspective, try to get some alone time to shake it off, usually write about it. This results in me almost forgiving too much and too fast (and those kids of mine know it, too!). And, in giving up my rush to anger, I do find that now I get the blues.

I look back on the workplace situation today and laugh. The three of us involved in the workplace fiasco are still fast friends. Granted, we have different lifestyles and we only get together once a year for lunch or dinner... but we retain that fondness and that caring that we recaptured.

So, I rolled out "Mutually Exclusive" this month because some relatives were in town and my ex-husband monopolized all their time for 8 days. They called first to make sure I knew they were coming, and, although they couldn't be specific about when they'd be able to see me and the kids, they promised to do so. Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday went by. No call. They were in Orlando on Thursday and Friday, and hope against hope, I decided they just might call for their last Saturday, and hope against hope, I would get to see them. We've been friends for 30 years. I guess I can clarify it by saying I love them with all my heart.

So..... it's time for me to get over it.

The situation is better - now that they have left town without even calling me. I wonder when I will be able to let it lie, to let it course by me like a not get hung up in wondering, why?

Maybe, just maybe, it'll turn out all right and I'll look back on this with them and laugh 2-3 years from now. Maybe my heart will mend without them. Time will tell.

Meanwhile, I fixated on these words from "Blue Moon with Heartache" .... by the delightful Roseanne Cash:

....I run into that heartache just like a wall

And act like nothing happened to me, nothing at all

Lately I'm amazed at how blind we can be

Lately even dreaming feels like old reality

What would I give to be a diamond in your eyes again

What would I give to bring back those old times

What did I say to make your cold heart bleed this way

Maybe I'll just go away today


Kelly said...

What perfect lyrics!

Seems like "getting over it" is always easier said than done. My heart goes out to you.


quid said...


I really hate having to be an adult.


Pam said...

I agree. Being an adult does suck at times.

I totally understand where you're coming from, Quid. I've been there before.

As Kelly knows, I'm a ruminater. And, I let myself seethe or let the hurts fester while only venting from time to time to Kelly.

Then again, sometimes I just feel sorry for myself and have my own pity party. Like the old song went "It's my Party and I'll cry if I want to!"

Some people are just careless with the feelings of others. And, it's always disappointing when someone you've been friends with for a long time no longer has time for you.

Kelly and I love ya! :) Always will!

Marion said...

I'm so sorry you had to go through that, Lynne, because you don't deserve it with your big, generous heart. But I've been learning the hard way recently to let go of toxic people who berate me, totally misunderstand my pain or send me mean emails---oh, or who have their heads so far up their own butts that I just can't relate to them anymore. Life's too short!

On the flowers: Plant yourself a cheap Rose bush from Wal-Mart or Lowe's or Home Depot (I paid under $5 for most all of mine) and you'll be rewarded with fresh roses for months on end. They're easy to grow and require little care. A $1 package of Zinnia seeds most always sprout under any conditions (sun & water only needed) and will come back every year and make amazing cut flowers in all colors! Feel free to email me if you need any gardening advice. You'll be amazed at how easy most flowers are to grow and the pure joy they'll bring you!!! Blessings from Louisiana!!

Debby said...

I've found a remarkable sense of freedom by stepping away from those toxic situations. Be true to yourself, and remember your last line...Maybe I'll go away today? Maybe it's the best thing you can do for yourself.