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I'm a Minnesota Girl, living in the south. I tell my friends I try not to talk and think like a Yankee, but sometimes I slip up!

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Kids and Grandkids


If you have been with me for 4 or less decades, you probably don't know about "mylittlebrotherGare".

It was all one word in our youth.   The kid could not escape the tie-in that he had to the legend of greatness.  Which was me, of course.  Our youth.   Which, from the look of my brother's hairline, is slowly fading away.

MylittlebrotherGare beat me to "grand-hood".   That's Gare and the woman who keeps him sane, the lovely Denise.   Also, front and center, is two month old Liam, son of Gare's Carl and his wife Becky, who live in Chicago.  I swear, that baby has my eyes.   Kinda popped open and googly. 
What a cutie!

I like to think that life will be less complicated for us with grands.

I know that my own parents, and my ex-husband's mom (who was mother in surrogate to me for the last 20 years of her life) died too soon to see grand teenager-hood and the harder knocks of life that were presented to their adult kids.  For them, Frank and I had almost unlimited success and the sun shined on us throughout the lives they lived with us   (primarily 20's, 30's).  They didn't have to, as parents, worry about the loss of jobs, the divorce, the serious bouts with diabetes and mersa (me) and a couple of serious health issues Frank has had in later life.  They didn't have to wring their hands over the uphill battle their grandkids have had with this economy in their 20's and 30's...fighting as hard to be/stay employed in this economic morass.  They didn't have to wonder/worry about their grown up and grown old kids suddenly facing.... dating again, or finally going to the last funeral of all their "elders". 

I'm experiencing something different, and it was a good week to think about coming out on the other side.   Andrea's been marooned in Louisville, her contract expired, looking for another position.   She landed one with a firm in Boston and will be on a two year project as a project manager for software installation in Philadelphia.  She can live anywhere.   She'll figure it out.   I don't need to harangue her about making her home base Tampa again.   In fact, I have to relax and let her make the choice that's right for her (hard).   Because she's had to struggle for a few months, she doesn't have that golden glow about all things going right in her life that I had in my early 30's.  Maybe that's a good thing... make her take fewer risks, have bigger nest eggs, stay on the employment safe side, finish her degree.

Tom, who has my father's mechanical skills and his love of working on cars, finished his two year apprenticeship and promptly took an ASE cert test, and passed.  That opens a lot of doors for him.  He's contemplating the fact that he can do something he loves, stay with this national company that has him on a fast-track, maybe run a store or a region for them someday.  Tom was going to do some studying with me to make sure he was ready for the test, much like we used to do in homeschool.   He didn't have time to make any sessions and had to study on his own.   Naturally, I worried.   Or maybe I just still wanted to be needed.   He didn't need me. 

So, maybe that is where I am as I muse through this right now.   They really don't need me.  Soon, the days of the mom-cash-infusion may be gone as well.   Or maybe, Mom will need to get a cash infusion from them.  I think I'm supposed to be glad for all the independence and success.   My parents were for me.  I guess that's a good plan, and I'll stop worrying.   For now, anyway. 


Kelly said...

Great catch-up post, Quid! Even though we text on a regular basis, this covered ground we don't usually make it to.

You know, I don't think we ever stop worrying about our kids, even when they become adults. The worries just change.

Bob said...

I have found that just when I think they don't need me anymore something happens where they do. I am finding with my oldest he needs me to be a friend and a sympathetic ear. With the other two it's more often still the 'dad' they need and I have to learn to step back more. It's a lifetime assignment and a moving target. I think you are doing it well.

Serena said...

Love this post, Quid. So poignant and heartfelt. And I so agree with Kelly -- you don't stop worrying about your kids; just the nature of the worrying changes.

Debby said...

Quid, who does your daughter work for in Philly? My son and daughter in law live outside Allentown.